Category Archives: Uncategorized

88. people who text you pointless one word replies

i hate short text messages

that smiley face just cost me $0.20, asshat.

82. people who sit in cowboy stance in cramped quarters on the train

people who sit with their legs wide apart on the subway (aka man sitting) drive me crazy

i wanted to sit down, but thanks for the maneltoe show instead.

73. going against your values

personal-valuesi’m really quite a nice lady (not that you can tell from this blog). i like being nice to people; it makes them feel good, it makes me feel good. it makes flowers bloom, babies laugh and angel choirs sing. or something. in reality, it probably just prevents overtly expressed attitude from most, with the glaring yet unavoidable exception of NYC drugstore clerks.

i was put in a situation recently that has since forced me to be a raging bitch to a particular group of people on a daily basis, and it does not feel great. my hippie montessori upbringing wants to know: can’t we all just get along?

the upside of it all is that i’ve made some realizations about my personal values and what i want out of life (to work part time and work out the other part of the time), which i don’t spend a ton of time thinking about, because i’m a godless heathen. so there’s that.

64. crazy eyes

crazyeyesi feel bad for this lady, here. sorry for posting your picture on the internets. but it just happens that she’s the perfect example of how nothing says “feed me a stray cat” quite like a pair of crazy eyes.

sorry. 

(image via crazyeyesblog.com)

62. commuting

commute_closei moved last week. to a super awesome location, as a matter of fact. the downside? i still work in nyc’s septic tank. and i currently travel 4 hours and 10 minutes a day to make it happen.

what could i do with an extra four hours a day, you ask?

  1. actually sleep 7+ hours a night
  2. exercise (oh, how vital that was to me but a year ago)
  3. take classes on something (singing! piano! italian! whatever!)
  4. socialize
  5. read (reading on the train nauseates me)
  6. UNPACK MY APARTMENT!
  7. cook beautiful meals
  8. watch david cook slightly less beautiful but still delicious meals
  9. take long walks
  10. hang out in the park (which is half a block away)
  11. sing 5x more karaoke
  12. research dog training so we can actually get a dog in the coming months (squee!)
  13. actually be around when we get a dog in the coming months
  14. make something for my etsy store on a daily basis
  15. not cry when i get home, because i’m so tired.

if there were ever a time i wish i could just up-and-quit, this would be it. what would you do with 4 extra hours in your day?

59. getting honked at

honkdear long island,

newsflash! walking down the street doesn’t make you a prostitute! also, i don’t have a “honk if you’re horny” bumper sticker affixed to my body. so sweet baby jesus, stop honking at me when i’m just trying to get to the goddamn deli.

diaf.

-melanie

51. being told to eat a sandwich

296449693_82dfc2edc7_oi’m tall and skinny. it’s 3 parts genetics, 1 part a whole lot of ballet when i was in my teens, 1 part sorta-decent diet and 1 part getting to the gym when i can (which right now is about once a week, if we’re going to stop being polite and start getting real, here). so why, jesus/god/universe, why must i be told to eat a sandwich on a weekly basis?

i eat food! sandwiches are awesome! and i’m not even talking invisible ones! bring on the meat! i’m just a bony genetic freak. other women, especially, seem to have a really hard time believing this. and like to comment on my weight, when really, it’s a wholly inappropriate thing to do.

world, it’s true: just because you’re bony, it doesn’t make you an anorexic making excuses. just sayin’.