Category Archives: work

87. death stares from cosi employees

what part of “hi, how are you?” and “may i please have a sandwich? here, i have some money” warrants a fucking attitude from every fucking employee at every fucking cosi i’ve ever been to?

i’ve taken the liberty of editing their hourly employee application — let me know if i missed anything:

suggestions for changing the cosi employment application

see detail:

are you physically capable of shooting death lasers out of your eyes?

80. working on a laptop all day

laptop-standthis dude is my hero. viva railing against laptop-induced bad posture!

79. taxes

funny-pictures-kittens-are-now-tax-deductibleexplain this to me. i was owed two paychecks + pay for 3 vacation days. i estimated my hourly rate after taxes, and figured out roughly how much i should have gotten. the total amount i was paid was equal to the two paychecks after taxes. so, because my first paycheck was held until now and i was paid more in a lump sum, i’m taxed significantly more?

son of a bitch. i would have called out for the last three days. HR dude said “well, at least you’ll get it back as a refund,” which will hopefully be true, but what a bummer.

fucking taxes.

73. going against your values

personal-valuesi’m really quite a nice lady (not that you can tell from this blog). i like being nice to people; it makes them feel good, it makes me feel good. it makes flowers bloom, babies laugh and angel choirs sing. or something. in reality, it probably just prevents overtly expressed attitude from most, with the glaring yet unavoidable exception of NYC drugstore clerks.

i was put in a situation recently that has since forced me to be a raging bitch to a particular group of people on a daily basis, and it does not feel great. my hippie montessori upbringing wants to know: can’t we all just get along?

the upside of it all is that i’ve made some realizations about my personal values and what i want out of life (to work part time and work out the other part of the time), which i don’t spend a ton of time thinking about, because i’m a godless heathen. so there’s that.

72. mixed signals

mixed_signals_sm_01i’m not even talking the sexy variety. i’m dealing with a project that’s become a nightmare–the client is telling us “forget everything, do only X!” and then two days later, comes back at us saying “why the eff isn’t Y being done?”

i feel like i’m taking crazy pills. actually, i’d probably feel better if i were taking crazy pills.

69. email critiques

PRZ-007376i take criticism at work very seriously.

if there’s a problem, yo, i’ll solve it.

but i swear to god, if i get one more phone call that starts, “why did/didn’t you say x to the client?” when i just spoke to you about what i was going to write to the client, i am going to have a motherfucking conniption. if you want me to say something specific, tell me, or write it yourself. or leave me alone to do my work like a capable adult who earned a degree from a respectable university.

photo of vanilla ice from back in the day, because he reminds me that someone in the world always has it worse than you do.

(nice pants.)

65. demands

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i feel like i’m getting these from all sides lately. i know when you’re a client, you feel like the money you pay allows you to throw orders around like you’re running an army. i know when you have a super familiar relationship with someone, it can be easy to fall into telling someone to do something, rather than asking them to do it. i know that bosses are appropriately titled, because it’s their job to boss you around.

but world, take note*: a little motherfucking “please” and “thank you” never hurt anyone.

*(please.)