Tag Archives: ugly

85. stacey london endorses mom jeans

stacey london co-hosts TLC’s what not to wear, and i’ve watched enough episodes of that shit to put it on my resume. that said, i can tell you with authority that this lady would bitch slap you if you came out of the dressing room wearing these jeans on her show.

if “fit and flatter” means cameltoe, i’m out.


84. cable knit sweaters

cable sweaters are unattractive

because nothing says “fuck me” like a cosby sweater.

75. fur vests

printed-fox-fur-intermixrachel zoe, we need to have a talk.

every time i see you wearing a fur vest or talking about how they’re “bananas,” or that they make you “die,” all i can think if is mr. burns singing the seminal simpsons classic, see my vest.

while i’m sure a baboon’s chest vest would┬ábe bananas, i don’t think this is quite what you had in mind.

i’m glad we had this talk.

71. american apparel

Picture 10fashion-wise, i’m well aware that the 80s are back, but my feeling is, if you’re encouraging people to dress like olivia newton john, you basically deserve to die a firey death. or get sued by woody allen.

68. colored contacts

SP_A0083joel mchale said it best on his “thank you for the pool” standup tour this summer. i paraphrase heavily:

“when you wear colored contacts, no one will hear a word you say, because all they will be thinking is ‘sweet jesus, what is wrong with your eyes?'”

but hey, at least it’s not an eye tattoo, right?

55. crocs

crocs1) they’re hideous and should die in a fire.

2) they just relieved a third of their workforce, which is really unfortunate.

3) they’re hideous and should die in a fire.

53. men wearing flip flops


men of new york who don flip flops: frodo called, he wants his toe hair back.┬ánothing says “i hate responsibility and sobriety” like a pair of plastic shoes on a man.

(is this one totally sexist and wrong? yes. and i’ve accepted that.)